Craig Moorhead's 26% ROCK N ROLL SOLUTION
(buy it)     (album)

THE LYRICS:

SIDE 1:

Intro


Ample Parking
When it was open 24 hours
And the sign burned all night long
When the other stores shut their doors
And slept safely til dawn
We didn't have no sales
No double coupon days
And my heart is like that mighty mart
In oh so many ways

CHORUS - We have ample parking
Five spaces out in front
A see through in and out door
Used entirely too much
And for your convenience
You can pay at the pump
You don't have to come inside
If you don't want

And now maybe I've worked the late shift
For just a little bit too long
But the parallels are eerie
And the petrol fumes are strong
The Twinkie in my soul
The Ho-Ho in my veins
Though her blood is like a Slushee
She's got this Camel by the reigns

CHORUS

And some nights there is a hold up
And some nights the drawer's too much
And some nights I win the lotto
And some nights I have no luck
But I keep clocking in and out
Working the nights between the days
Because I know one day that Lance girl
Is gonna turn her head my way

CHORUS - 2X


Baron Von Barren
Baron von Barren is a man is a man
He would applaud but someone's sitting on his hands
He solved all his problems with a magnetic band
Baron von Barren

Baron von Barren is a ghost is a ghost
He's got soggy eyes awaiting him from coast to coast
Every insult that he hears is like a toast
Baron von Barren

Baron von Barren is a duke is an earl
He regales his court with his travails around the world
Of slain soldiers and the girls whose toes he's curled
Baron von Barren

Who is he - Who is the

Baron von Barren is an empty frantic boy
A reserve of guilt and arrogance in his employ
Afraid his faith is sex may one day be destroyed
Baron von Barren

Baron von Barren has a torch he's a nut
Doesn't make a move for fear of futuristic rut
Closes doors himself just so he knows which ones are shut
Baron von Barren

Baron von Barren is as healthy as an ox
Thinks he's going crazy but he's crazy like a fox
Thinks his life should fit into a tiny box
Baron von Barren

Who is he - Who is the
Baron von Barren

Who is he - Who is he (3X)
It is you/ It is me (Baron von Barren) (x4)


(Can I Please Be That) Crazy (Ring Around Your Toe)
(opening vocals by Kelsey Hamilton)
She had an idea
And I think that it was a good idea
When I read her stare
And read her hand I knew that I should stay

I think she had tears
Clouding her eyes and a too big shirt on
I have always found
Her index toe ring to be a turn on

Her name is too long
I spell it with a 'J'
In the radiating light

She had an idea
And I think that it was a good idea
Walked me to the stairs
And we'll pick up before when we left off

Her name is too long
I spell it with a 'J'
In the radiating light
And this time will be okay
No missing communique
It's not so far
Is it

She had an idea
And I think that it was a good idea
When I read her stare
And read her hand I knew that I should stay


Dongle Dooder
(instrumental)


Escape 2 The Freshside
When I'm driving
And I've got no place to go
Baron Von Barren
Is off to the Freshside whoa ho
There is a birdy
Flying along with me
She is so happy

When I'm crying
I've got one place to go
When I'm dying
I'm off to the Freshside whoa ho
Where it is sunny
Nobody means no harm
No one is running

Escape to the Freshside
Escape to the Freshside

When I'm driving
And the air is so bright
I keep on driving
Into the cold night
The lights of the city
Don't mean much to me
They're just so pretty

Escape to the Freshside
Escape to the Freshside
Escape to the Freshside
Escape to the Freshside


Feathers In Birdland
Crack of thunder bolt of lightning
Is what I spy with my little eye
I think I want to jump into it
Can't stay forever on the Freshside
And now spring time's at my disposal
And I'm thinking of a girl
I got in touch with my cruel side
Now I'm living in a bigger world

CHORUS - She put the feathers back in birdland
She put the apple in my eye
She put the feathers back in birdland
She put the apple in my eye

A little kiss under a big tree
A bigger kiss just down the hall
The way my life comes back in my dreams
You'd think I'd never wake at all
In my mind she will be the Queen
I have predestined my girlfriend
And it's okay when we start drifting
If I can say in the end

CHORUS

I think sometimes I May have met her
I bet she thinks that she met me
I think sometimes I May have kissed her
I bet she thinks that kissed me
I bet

CHORUS

I knew a girl who made me say that
But we had to say goodbye
She put the feathers back in birdland
She put the apple in my eye


Gangland Glue Sniffin'
Come on and step into my world baby
And watch me break whatever hasn't been broke
I can't remember if we spoke without joke
Without jest - now my heart is burning tight in my chest
And I'm the gangsta not of love - but of dumb
I get a sign I get a sign
I think it's all in my mind
Might be a sure thing oh sigh
I try to keep it in place and sniff glue up into my brain
I get stuck - I get stuck

I am the Godzilla of gettin' it wrong
And the Mighty Joe Young of gettin' it on
Never needed no freak to tell it to my face
Just like Austin I'm all out of place
But I can represent and there's no need to front
No need for Brynn to blow that silly man up
Crazy coked up bitches are laughing in my nightmares - got me scared
I'm prepared to get the war on
Don't need a reason
I set my a-larm
For 5 a.m. so I'm up before dawn
It's a sneak attack like a college panty raid
Gonna sneak in your window and I'm gonna get paid
Well, in panties

CHORUS - Gangland Glue Sniffin' in the place to be (x4)

Well, I'm illin, and I don't really feel like talking about this right now guys
Don't worry, Deep, and that's okay
Cause I am MC Muffin Ass and I ain't had my say
My man Deep D is in the shittah
Cause his OG heart is broken a bittah
If you know how it feels, now just a little
Then scream won't ya scream cause don't it kill ya
It ain't a choice on a test in the school of middle
It's the no take backs mistake ya did-ah
You can cry but what will the tears gettah
Just a stain on your smoove Tom Hil-a-figah
So with action grab your jackson and full-ah-fill-ah
Your fantasy destiny, drop it on the pillah
It ain't a glamorous life - there's nothin' better in sight
So what the hell you want me to tell ya

Muffin Ass is on the down low
Taking it slow cause he can't take another blow
For those in the know it's a tragic story-o
Unfortunately his name is not DiCaprio
But he was the ice berg to the sinking ship
He made the crap and the fan made it a hit
This ain't the first time a no-ee-oh-ee-oh
But this is just the way that it go-ee-oh-ee-ohs

CHORUS

I am living in the gangland
I am sniffin' glue in my van
If the van's a-rockin, prob'lee ain't me
I'm so stuck that I can't hardly see
I got nobody to call my own
Well I kinda do but in the same respect I don't
It makes less sense if you're living in my head
But I understand it better than I ever did
The first time I was young
I was blind and deaf and dumb
Like a rock in a tree
Happy to be high but never really free
Along came a wind and knocked my rock down
Took me a long time before I rolled around
And like a rock sometimes I don't know what I do
I'm so so sorry that I rolled over you

CHORUS

Meet the girl on a Friday night
Party at my crib I'm feeling alright
Check out the stars kiss under a big tree
And I don't obey my thirst with the Sprite
We cap it off with a cigarette light
I watch her fall asleep on the love seat
And for a while my world is so bright
Then for years she is out of sight
She appeared one night just to see me
Then was gone in the blink of an eye
Found her again when Christmas was 'nigh
Laid in a bed and wondered who she would be
Making happy i-if not me
Scared and happy frantic empty
What did I feel what did I mean
Answers needed in history
Listen to me, D

This is how we do it and this is how it's done
This is how we do it and this is how it's done
This is how we do it and this is how it's done
This is how we do it and this is how it's done
Keepin' all the fly ladies on the run


Hai-Kee-Bah
I've been waiting for another sign
I got the last one and I
Didn't like it so I
I've been waiting for another sign
And you know I'm patient

I've been waiting for a different life
I saw it once and I know
What it tastes like but I
I've been waiting for a different life
And you know I'm patient

I've been waiting for another sign
Cos I don't want to be
Held responsible so
I've been waiting for another sign
And I'm bottomless
I'm bottomless

CHORUS - So I'm falling out now
I'm inexhaustible
I'm falling out now
I'm inexhaustible

CHORUS

I've been waiting for a different mind
And you know I'm patient


I'm Gonna Relight This One
This is how things will change
Start out slow then pour like rain/
Waiting for another sign
Waiting for it makes me tired
This one is all I've got
Limping around I think it's shot
Living here in rain town
Guess it's kept my spirits down
This one
This one

I'm gonna relight this one

I can find no place in me
For romantic nobility
Can't recieve the love you send
But listen close you'll hear oceans
This one
This one
And now this one is all I've got
I know this one is all I've got
Before I thought there'd be a lot
But now this one is all I've got
This one
This one

I'm gonna relight this one

This is how things are gonna change
Start out slow then pour like rain
Waiting for another sign
Waiting for it makes me tired
This one
This one
I'm gonna relight this one
I'm gonna relight this one
I'm gonna relight this one


Jelly Queen
Jelly Queen
Where have you been

I've been down South
Soaking up sun and soaking up sons
I got your letters
I got them all but only opened up some
Do you miss me
Do you stay up holding your breath
Is your heart bruised
And burning all day tight in your chest

Jelly Queen
Did you forget me

Oh please understand
That I have been in such a foreign world
It's just like you said
A new place to see just like Drew and that girl
I thought that we said
That it was okay I thought we agreed
And I am not about to
Ever deny myself what I need

Jelly Queen
How will it be

I'm not sure if I
Love you now cos things have changed
You wanna relight this one
But it's too late supernatural delay
If you had seen the cliffs
And absorbed that foreign tongue
We might still be flung


Kiss The Ground
I've got a secret message
I'm gonna send to you in code
It doesn't matter if you run or hide
Cos I am stealthy in this mode
And I'm not healthy in this mode

It is a note of anger
It is a hate communique
And it's a secret message
Cos I don't show it on my face
It is just underneath my face

CHORUS - I've got no
Way to show
How much I want to hit you
And watch you fall and kiss the ground
If I could
I surely would
Though I dislike you quite a bit
I am an old school hypcrite

I've got another message
This one I'll leave out in plain sight
It is a writ of happy
That I did not mean to write
It makes me conceal my might

CHORUS


Laundering Neon
Neon Neon Neon - not Freon a noble gas
He's a man and a half
Or he's half man
He's a trash can

Neon Neon Neon - you've got a bum in your head
You've got a Peach in you bed
And your heart is
Your heart is full of lead
Your heart is full of lead
Your heart is full of lead

Neon Neon Neon - prepare to get soaked
Cos this ain't no joke
Nobody wants to joke around
Everyone's dirty in this town

Neon Neon Neon - it's gonna break your heart
The way Autumn falls apart
But you lost sumthin'
Now sumthin's stuck in your heart
Sumthin's stuck in your heart
Stuck in your heart

Neon Neon Neon - now you've got Soap in your eyes
And it ain't no surprise
She's a surprise I swear
Commando underwear

Neon Neon Neon - it breaks her heart yes
This Soapy girl is - is blessed
It's not how you say it
It's just what you said
The thing that you said
You're not dead yet
Your heart is what you said
You're not dead yet
No you're not dead yet


Mistake
I've been thinking 'bout a mistake
That I would like to make
I'm gonna ask you a question one day
Cos I've been thinking 'bout a mistake
That I would like to make
I've been wondering what's beyond rain town
And I've been thinking 'bout a mistake
And everyone won't understand
Because the truth is confusing
And I've been lying to my hand

I've been thinking 'bout a mistake
That I would like to make
Did I ever tell you about the outer ring
Cos I've been thinking 'bout a handshake
And everything at stake
Now there's something in everybody's brain and everybody's brain
Will make them think about mistakes
And everyone won't understand
And man the good guys are losing
They've got another brilliant plan

I've walked thirty miles
And there's still so far to go
Walking tall surviving styles
And free of all my soaps
Til you asked me that question
Will you ask me again

I've been thinking 'bout a mistake
That I would like to make
I've been looking right on through to see my ghost
Cos I've been thinking 'bout a mistake
It's a big ol' loud housequaker
And there's no faking it
And I've been thinking 'bout a mistake
And everyone won't understand
Because the truth is confusing
And I've been lying to my hand

SIDE 2:

No Stalgia
I think I know you
So sure one day they'll write down all you say
And maybe then
It will make sense
You wrap your mouth around the words
And give them blood until you're down
In an attempt to be profound
Sometimes you hit
Sometimes you don't
It's not a crime to feel so blind
Cos I do
Cos I do too
And this is how you're just like me
We make idiot poetry
Its half thoughts and its sentences
Make sense in my head they make sense
Sometimes I think I'll get too close
To pull away from this new ghost
And nothing feels like it is wrong
I have to stop
I have to stop
I have to stop


Oasis Stole My Girlfriend
(lyrics by Matt Fraction)
CHORUS - Cuz there's this band overseas
And I know they hate me
And my girl heard their song
And now my girl is gone
And it's wrong
And it's wrong
And it's wrong
And it's wrong
And it's wrong
Oasis stole my girlfriend

She's the kind of girl who moves to France
With her velvet dog
And two pair of velvet pants
And I'm the kind of guy
Who does not even stand a chance

They're the kind of band that has hit songs
About walls
Think they like the Beatles
They put out three CDs
And I went and bought them all

Hi-hee, hi-hee
It's slaves to our hearts we be
Hee-hi, hee-hi
Slaves until the night we die

The first one was a saint of numbers
A saint of books, a saint of math
Think these six guns disagree
Think I'll take a different path
Now the Sun she is a-risin'
Hell's a comin' - blowin' cold
And Oasis stole my girlfriend
So this bridge now I must hold

You're the crazy old lady in the Barnes and Noble reference section
I wanna take you home
You're wearing your bandana that you bought in Butte, Montana
And I think I wanna make you moan

Can I ride your bike
Can I drink your Sprite
Can you save my life
Will you be my wife

CHORUS


Pickles In Her Draws
Well she's got pickles in her draws
Oh my
Oh golly
She's got pickles in her draws
And it makes me holler
And if I ever look into those draws again
Well baby don't ya know that that would be too soon


Quantity of Light To = My Plight
There's not a lot to say
I'm just dying to get away
Look to Pope's cube to find a clue
And I'm not looking back at you
Cos there's no gentle thing today
Kick out my scheme and lock the door
There'll be no payback while I'm poor
I keep the lights out when I change
No part of me that isn't strange

REFRAIN - Think this is what I had in store
I can see past twenty four
Starved myself to fit a grave
I'm the O.T.h.h. Whore

CHORUS - Quantity of light to equal my plight
Quantity of light to equal my plight

Four nights when I was bright
I had me a little fight
Between my heart and loyalty
I can't find room enough to sleep

REFRAIN

CHORUS

This is a ballad for my crueller side
Prepare to get soaked

This is an opera for my lesser side
The one that drives me and I cannot deny
That there's a pain in my left side
It keeps me high
It keeps me so high
If I can't bleed then I can't die
And what's the fun if I can't die

This is a ballad to my crueller side
Miles fading fading miles fade
It needs a jumpstart every time
I wanna keep it
I wanna blow it away
I forget through distance and night
Her amount of light equals my plight

CHORUS


Radiating Light
I'm sitting in the radiating light
With a darkness behind me
And a darkness ahead
On the other side
Of this line
I know it's better than sex

All my shadows are thrown on the wall
I've got fuzzy knees
They're more like double knees
And I'm thinking of
Winning the trick
Yeah now how boss would that be

I think you've got something to say
I wish it could be
Just like those Saturdays
Cause there was no way
To get out of line

I'm sitting in the radiating light
I'm waiting in the radiating light
On a cool summer made-for-sating night
And I feel ridiculous

I'm sitting in the radiating light
My car is full of gas
And the keys are on the couch
Though I know that I've got
Nothing but time
I've got a radiating doubt

So it radiates and keeps me earthbound
In the mechanical breeze
In this tyrannical seat
I look for your ghost
In the radiating light
For that radiating sight

I'm sitting in the radiating light
My heart is so slow
It must be full of lead
Once I sang about
My lesser side
But it's my weaker side instead

Now we're sitting in two radiating lights
On each end of this line
That I am trying to shed
Then just one radiating light
With a darkness behind us
And I darkness ahead


The Song
This is the song you'll tap your feet to
When the drums kick in you'll bob your head
This is the song you'll shake your ass to
While you scoff at what I just said

This is the song you'll pump your fist to
And scream my name in your fandom
This is the song that you'll get high to
Just cause it sounds like an anthem

CHORUS - Cuz no one ever listens to the words
'Cept for 1 or 2 or 3 of 'em
And if not for those precious few
I would not be here with you

This is the song that you will speed to
You are a god when you're in your car
This is the song that you'll get dumped to
When she finds out who you are

This is the song I'll rule the earth to
It'll be sung by all you slaves
I shoulda told you I'm a Nazi and I'm leading the master race

CHORUS


Thank You, Janice
Thank you for the copies Janice
Thank you for the advice Janice
Thank you for the phone calls Janice
Thank you for the candy Janice
Thank you for the smoothie Janice
Thank you for the copies Janice
Thank you for the copies Janice
Thank you for your signature
And your kindly disposition
It is not my place to say so
But I think that you should dump him
Thank you for the copies Janice
Thank you for the copies Janice
Thank you for the break times Janice
When I did not want to move cans
Though you do not like Happiness
Whenever life is a crappy mess
We still get our copies Janice
Thank you for the copies Janice
Thank you for the nomenclature
Thank you for the business card
Thank you for the UFVA
I - N - T - E - R - N - S - hip
Thank you for the copies Janice
Thank you for the copies Janice
Thank you for all of those free books
Did I mention candy Janice
Thank you for the candy Janice
Thank you for the advice Janice
Thank you for the copies Janice


P.S. - Under Vows I - I'm Nice
(instrumental)


Visine
She could be thirty feet tall
And she'd still be small
I'm not sure I believe that
You haven't seen her like I have
When she's fifty feet tall
When she's Queen of us all
Man she's so clean
No need for Visine

I see her in the morning with a cape on
Cos she's Supergirl
I've predestined my girlfriend to a pedestal
She owns all the world
I put her in the center of me
I put her in the center of me
Now I'm sucking to the center as a blackhole
Steals my oxygen
My face is faking smiles as it orbits
Round and round her sun
I put her in the center of me
I put her in the center of me

And the old me screams Visine

There's a lotta lotta talking not in front of
But behind my back
Addition and subtraction she has been the
Only thing I've ever lacked
So I put her in the center of me
I put her in the center of me

Now I'm complete and competing to be keeping
The heart of my love
I'm worried I'm unworthy of her tenderness
And I think she knows that's so
I put her in the center of me
I put her in the center of me

And the old me screams Visine

CHORUS - V - I - S - I anytime
You wanna be mine
V - I - S - I - don't care
If it's gonne be fair
V - I - S - I - any place
I am I see your face
V - I - S - I - N - E
My vision is so blurry

That I'm seeing shapes and sizes and the prototypes
Of what I need
I'm trying to remember what it is I did
And I'd say it is agreed
That I put her in the center of me
I put her in the center of me

CHORUS (alt ending - My eyes my eyes are burning)


Wisconsin Johnson
Wisconsin Johnson is the man whose plan
Is spanning space and time
He's got one hundred thousand lovers
And they all owe him mighty dime
Wisconsin Johnson
Wisconsin Johnson

In his hand he holds a cane of purest ebony and gold
On his head a white fedora
On his back a shirt so bold
On his mind are dollar signs
And his scheme to save the world
No his heart it is not barren
With love for all the boys and girls
Wisconsin Johnson
Wisconsin Johnson

He struts his stuff he struts it all
He is not short he is not tall
He has no home to call his own
He has no mom that he can call
But one day he'll be our hero
He is here to save the day
Does not matter if you hate him
He will love you just the same

Jesus Christ pimp from the streets
He is here to fill your needs
Be it sex or salvation
Don't worry girl cos here he comes
Wisconsin Johnson
Wisconsin Johnson

Now he does mack on a global scale
With every fact within his grasp
His soul is a swirling tempest
His self is one funky chap
He's gonna make those blue skies bluer
Make y'all lift up your eyes
Never could a heart be truer
No other man could be so fly
Wisconsin Johnson
Wisconsin Johnson
Wisconsin Johnson
Wisconsin Johnson


Xanthochroid
I am quiet as a mouse
And I am comfy as a couch
And you can lay on me all day
And rest assured you will not hear a squeak

One is one and two is two
I think that I'm in love with you
It's making all the roses red
I'm seeing all the violets that are blue

I am healthy as an ox
And I am crazy like the fox
And I am the mammal of your dreams baby
I'm the mammal of your dreams

I am worthy of esteem
And I like songs by Jan and Dean
Though I am not a surfer
I used to live on dead man's curve
You know I've got a heart burner
I eat all vittles that I'm served

I am brighter than the sun
And you know you're the only one
Who's got an orbit around me
Who's got an orbit around me baby

All the girls think I'm the most
They like me better when I boast
And I could take to stalking you
Yes I think I could take to stalking you

Inky stinky pinky pie
I sure wish everyone would die
You know that I laugh when you cry
You know that I laugh when you cry baby

I'm here to steal your love
And I - I can't give you enough
Even though I'm in your nightmares
You know that I'm your waking dream
Just a little touch of Satan
Is not so far from Mr. Clean
Even though I'm in your nightmares
You know that I'm your waking dream
Just a little touch of Satan
Is not so far from Mr. Clean
Even though I'm in your nightmares
You know that I'm your krispy kreme
Just a plastic bag or Satan
Is not Jafar from Lion King


You're In Alice's
And it's a sure sure thing
They can see through you
In a deep dark place
You know that you're see through
And it's not a secret anymore
And I don't think it was much of one before

You've got your ghosts
And you've got you fevers
And for all your talk
You still envy believers
Nothing ever ends like it should
And hoping never does any good

You got hurt
Then you broke your promise
And now what you've got
It is better by almost
How long is it gonna take
For everything in here to break

Now there is something that's close
Flying round here like ghost
From the dead
To my head

We stand in rooms
Faking our smiles
And now I'm afraid
It'll never be different

Now there is something that's close
Flying round here like a ghost
And through this toxicology
It is so much more real to me
From the dead
To my head


Zippo
Zippo
It looks Chinese
It lights with ease
Zippo
Zippo
It's wearing off
The flint is gone
Zippo
Zippo
It clicks and clanks
It's like a tank
Zippo

CHORUS (x2)- Zippo
Zippo
When the wind
The wind it blows

Zippo
It's in her jeans
Fire machine
Zippo
Zippo
Out of the past
I want it back
Zippo
Zippo
Cigarette light
It is all right
Zippo

CHORUS (x4)


Outro